I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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