My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
why is half of my head shaved?
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