What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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