her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
