Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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