bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
