Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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