porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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