i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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