come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
