he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
