I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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