I faked an abortion last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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