You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
