hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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