FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
