thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
