so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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