I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
