Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have demons in me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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