One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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