You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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