there was a trapeze. enough said
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
