I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
