you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
