i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
