Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
