I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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