eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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