I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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