im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
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Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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