Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
