What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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