Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
