What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
