So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
