if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
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