God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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