I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
