I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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