what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
