my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
