Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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