my vag is so smooth its legendary
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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