I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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