My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
