Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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