This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
