I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i out mim tonsoeep
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
