im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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