Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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