I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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