Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
