This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
