So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
