Yo dont text me then not text me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
