I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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