I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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