woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
