Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
