Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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