Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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