Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
