why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
