How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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