Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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