i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
