thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
high people should be assigned attendants
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
