I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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