Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize