And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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