It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
