i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
