I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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